I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
