I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize