bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
