his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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