I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
