That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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