He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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