Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize