so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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