ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
