I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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