You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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