please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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