Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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