this beer tastes like vomit already
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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