Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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