oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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