dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.