I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.