the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong