You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.