I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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