I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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