A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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