There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize