I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
