i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...