I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.