i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho