rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.