Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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