like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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