i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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