I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
