if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
