you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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