Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i already hear my dad disowning me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize