Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
