remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?