Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
worst night to have a conscience
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.