I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible