So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!