"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.