guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.