I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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