thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can text with my tongue
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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