I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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