I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize