i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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