I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
