yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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