Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
