smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
