Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize