you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
