The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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