mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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