hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
