Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
