You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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