and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
