she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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